Parallel Universe

This piece may be familiar to some of you. I wrote it last year. I just watched Another Earth (2011); its a great movie you should all watch. a brain teaser. Movies aside, read my post!

A parallel universe, a theory anyone would want to imagine. having a mirror image of the world we’re living, including the stories and the lives of the people. a little far fetched perfect imagery…a theory.

Perhaps it exists, but in a small scale “down to earth”  form. Many think the love between two is a sacred relation that bonds two people with so much similarity; but do the similarities begin the moment they meet? No – else why would they have met in the first place; at that particular place and time? the wise and old, the philosophers and thinkers, the believers, they say love isn’t cheap and easy to come by – that it cant be manipulated or ignored.

When out of an amazing relationship, we come out broken and fragile. Thinking we had found what we were looking for, only to discover the misery of it not having a trace in the books of destiny. Time heals the pain, dries the tears, but the scars would never disappear.

It may however be so much soothing to know there still is hope, a reason to live for, a beautiful moment to anticipate and prepare for. MEETING THE PARALLEL…the “perfect” other.

Thinking of the mistakes i’ve committed, the discoveries i stumbled upon with each reckless act. Its not little. Amazing how each time i come out stronger than before, better than ever. But this time is no ordinary time. I’m either losing my mind and not realizing it, or I’m finally beginning to understand the whole truth. Weird how I’ve been able to keep my cool, have i completed the transformation into a senseless being?

Talking too much, I think am missing the point. my message isnt complicated. I’d like you to all know my findings.

No matter how sad you may have become, how lonely you may feel, how abandoned…there’s a person with your brains and emotions out there thinking the same way.

This discovery is not the finish line, its a whole new method of thinking, new grounds to base your pondering. Its part of the belief in destiny, that everything happens for a purpose…

Probably now, someone, a man, is also grieving over his fiancée (like am grieving over my finance). Having a great life people would wish they had, but all lost for the love of a person who’s gone. How sad?

but the thought that the mystic partner exists is so comforting. Now i see the need of taking care of myself…

i know i may have said alot without referencing (who the philosophers i talked about, what’s meant by ‘many’, who is ‘anyone’…), what completes a great passage. actually the above is purely out of thoughts and simply sticking together pieces of experience most people have had. After all, thats how the brain works. Believes what it wants to believe.

 

“Black As Rain”

this song by Pixie Lott hits right on the spot. the lyrics appear simple but with a person who can relate to them they feel VERY precise. carefully listen to the track down there several times. the words will find the emotions you kept hidden in there for way too long. but…if only you could let go. hah! unnecessary talk! enjoy.

 

Have you ever, ever lost something you cannot replace
But you still and you still so search anyway
And the earth might reverse is so lonely in the crowd
And I scream in my pillow and I break

[Chorus:]

If I could just go back to yesterday
I’d take it all back
Take it all back, I’d take it all back again
Yeah, my world’s got lost since you went away
Everything’s black, everything’s black
It’s as black as rain

Do you wish that your tears didn’t come too late?
All the days and the nights blur into one
There’s a place that I go in my sweetest memories
Where I see, see your smile in the sun

[Chorus:]
If I could just go back to yesterday
I’d take it all back
Take it all back,
I’d take it all back again
Yeah, my world’s got lost since you went away
Everything’s black, everything’s black
It’s as black as rain

And the sun turned black, and the sky turned gray
And the crows all flew away
And the flowers died, and an old man cried
Yeah, the stars all seemed to fade

What do I do without you?
What do I do without you?
What do I do without you?

[Chorus:]
If I could just go back to yesterday
I’d take it all back
Take it all back, I’d take it all back again
Yeah, my world’s got lost since you went away
Everything’s black, everything’s black
It’s as black as rain

disclaimer: i own neither the lyrics nor the video.

 

It Dies With the New Sun

Walking through the dark alleys

Trying to catch a breath

Partly because she hadn’t stopped crying

And partly because of the misery she was drowning

Counting the walls she bumped into

And the rocks she tripped on

Almost believing she was sucked into a black hole

…

She heard piercing sounds of laughter

Those were the night girls

The smell of shame was all over their naked skin

None of them even noticed her presence

She wrapped her jacket tighter to her body

Then they all disappeared into the fog

For a moment feeling they were as violated as she was

…

The cruel freezing winds whipped her semi-exposed legs

Her tears felt like razor cutting ice down her face

Never occurring to her to wipe them

On foot she passed through tens of slums

Her hands were numb already

And her lips felt purple

She leaned against the wheel of an abandoned truck

…

Her sobs got louder when she remembered

That son of a gun was not a Bohemian artist

He was never in love with her

And wasn’t going to paint a picture of her

She wanted him out of the living world

But was too broken to think of a plan

She yearned for a day when he didn’t exist

…

A kitten suddenly appeared close to her

Seeming colder than she was

Her tears dried as the harmless animal sat on her laps

She pet it with her thin white hands

Her cat had been following her the whole night

Now an excuse to mumble alone in the open

The teenage girl kept sniffing as she calmed herself down

…

With the crack of dawn the horizon took on an orange hue

In the comfort of her soft bed she stretched

“This city is prettiest in the morning”

Emy had always said

Especially when she has had a glimpse

Of how her play would appear on stage.

It dies with the new sun.

Razan B. (24-12-11)

 

Just Trust me (poem + picture)

 

what do you think of the ribbon roses? i made them. and i wrote the lines for a lover i once had. critics please!

 

Someone I Met

Someone I met

a friend of foe

will this be the end

or just the start

fun to be around

yet known so little about

what’s behind the smile

seeming so versatile

keenly I stare

trying to find a tear

what a big circus tent

is it worth my cent?

I take a breath and realize

it’s not just a person i met

kept me up at night

and helped me write these lines.

Razan B.

 

The Brain…Mindfuck.

What gets me out of the studying mood when reading about the nervous system is THE BRAIN. Nerves, impulses, perception, behavior…etc. now try to imagine this situation: you’re studying the brain, things that have been thoroughly researched. Are the outcomes of experiments just the researcher’s perceptions? Or does the brain indeed function that way?  Am I accepting the perceptions by the researcher’s brain? Or am I putting myself in place of the brain under study? And what explains the way am questioning everything?…MINDFUCK.

 

 

My Newly Discovered Passion: Sea Shells

Last week was full of events and dramas. It was a Saturday and I had to deal with family issues, things at work and exams at the university. That just summed it all up. You can imagine the type of mood I was in at the end of the day…I was exhausted. I dropped my friend Tassneem at her hostel when I saw canopies set in a distance. It was a Food Fair. Technically it was a fair for everything. Accessories, clothes, shoes…and FOOD! The best way to loosen it all up was to take a walk and eat ice-cream with a best friend; and see what’s being sold!

At the first table I stopped was a man with Rasta and a typical Rastafarian’s outfit. He sold everything beads and African ornaments. Nothing special; since such things are sold all over the beach and other touristic places here in Ghana. Only one thing caught my attention:  the variety of bracelets made from real shells. They were of uniform size and color. Each piece had a different style, and some with matching necklaces. This one below is what I bought. The coiled, pointed top part of each shell was cleaned, cut and polished. What I found so amusing was the fact that I could identify the orders (scientific classification) of some shells. We’d learnt them in a biology course last year. That got me really thinking, would I call myself, an ‘Ornamentalist’ or a Marine Biologist if I studied shells after graduating?

Picking out a few more bracelets and necklaces to buy made me look like an Obroni – a white person, local dialect. That usually refers to a tourist and of course I’M NOT ONE! At that moment I didn’t care whether I looked like a local or an alien; all I wanted was a little good time to get things off my mind. (to forget what I’d just written in the test, mainly). Below is picture of a shell necklace I wear as a bracelet too…and hey, I’m not a dumb tourist who buys random stuff with a crazy amount of money! ah, wait!! check the other picture of my hand. Its black! I’m African! last photo…Just keep scrolling.

Apart from the big décor shells in the living room, soon I’ll make a shell collection in my jewelry box! Watch me!

……

je ne suis pas blanche!!

(for the sake of dates, i wrote this post last week so…do the math.)

 

نزار قباني..شعراء الأرض المحتلة

1شعراءَ الأرضِ المحتلّهْ

يا مَن أوراقُ دفاتركمْ

بالدمعِ مغمّسةٌ، والطينْ

يا مَن نبراتُ حناجركمْ

تشبهُ حشرجةَ المشنوقينْ

يا مَن ألوانُ محابركمْ

تبدو كرقابِ المذبوحينْ

نتعلّم منكم منذُ سنينْ

نحنُ الشعراءَ المهزومينْ

نحنُ الغرباءَ عن التاريخِ، وعن أحزانِ المحزونينْ

نتعلّمُ منكمْ ..

كيفَ الحرفُ يكونُ له شكلُ السكّينْ .

2

شعراءَ الأرضِ المحتلّهْ

يا أجملَ طيرٍ يأتينا من ليلِ الأسرْ

يا حزناً شفّافَ العينين، نقيّاً مثلَ صلاةِ الفجرْ

يا شجرَ الوردِ النابتِ من أحشاءِ الجمرْ

يا مطراً يسقطُ .. رغمَ الظلمِ ، ورغمَ القهرْ

نتعلّمُ منكم كيف يغنّي الغارقُ من أعماقِ البئرْ

نتعلّمُ .. كيفَ يسيرُ على قدميهِ القبرْ

نتعلّمُ كيفَ يكونُ الشعرْ ..

فلدينا .. قد ماتَ الشعراءُ ، وماتَ الشعرْ ..

الشعرُ لدينا درويشٌ ..

يترنّحُ في حلقاتِ الذكرْ

والشاعرُ يعملُ حوذياً لأميرِ القصرْ ..

الشاعرُ مخصيُّ الشفتينِ .. بهذا العصرْ

يمسحُ للحاكمِ معطفهُ ، ويصبُّ لهُ أقداحَ الخمرْ

الشاعرُ مخصيُّ الكلماتِ ..

وما أشقى خصيانَ الفكرْ …

3

شعراءَ الأرضِ المحتلّهْ ..

يا ضوءَ الشمسِ الهاربَ من ثقبِ الأبوابْ

يا قرعَ الطبلِ القادمَ من أعماقِ الغابْ ..

يا كلَّ الأسماءِ المحفورةِ في ريشِ الأهدابْ

ماذا نخبركم يا أحبابْ ؟

عن أدبِ النكسةِ ، شعرِ النكسةِ ، يا أحبابْ ..

ما زلنا منذُ حزيران .. نحنُ الكُتّابْ

نتمطّى فوقَ وسائدنا ..

نلهو بالصرفِ وبالإعرابْ

يطأُ الإرهابُ جماجمَنا

ونقبِّلُ أقدامَ الإرهابْ

نركبُ أحصنةً من خشبٍ

ونقاتلُ أشباحاً وسرابْ ..

ونُنادي : يا ربَّ الأربابْ

نحنُ الضعفاءُ ، وأنتَ المنتصرُ الغلاّبْ

نحنُ الفقراءُ ، وأنتَ الرزّاقُ الوهّابْ

نحنُ الجبناءُ ، وأنتَ الغفّارُ التوّابْ

شعراءَ الأرضِ المحتلّهْ ..

ما عادَ لأعصابي أعصابْ

حُرماتُ القدسِ قد انتُهكَتْ

وصلاحُ الدينِ من الأسلابْ

ونسمّي أنفسنا كُتّابْ ؟

4

محمودَ الدرويش .. سلاما

توفيقَ الزيّاد .. سلاما

يا فدوى طوقان .. سلاما

يا مَن تبرونَ على الأضلاعِ الأقلاما ..

نتعلّمُ منكم ، كيفَ نفجّرُ في الكلماتِ الألغاما ..

شعراءَ الأرضِ المحتلّهْ ..

ما زالَ دراويشُ الكلمهْ

في الشرقِ ، يكشُّونَ حَمَاما ..

يحسونَ الشايَ الأخضرَ .. يجترّونَ الأحلاما ..

لو أنَّ الشعراءَ لدينا ..

يقفونَ أمامَ قصائدكمْ ..

لَبَدَوْا .. أقزاماً .. أقزاما

نزار قباني

 

Breakup Regrets

When sleep becomes difficult

and music unbearable

When my eyes are always wet

and through them everything in bleak

When i rarely ever have dreams

and cant find you in them when i do

When i call you with not much to say

and wonder if it’s us talking

When sweet memories fade

and i havnt much more to dwell on

When i learn to get every man

and take it as a mere game

When i regret every mistake

and cant find a way back

When i cant blame it on anything else

and there’s no way to fix it

When am ashamed to ask for forgiveness

and scared of trying to forget you

When i realise that true love did exist

and evidence of it haunts me in my silence

When months on the calendar pass

and i bear the same feelings for you

When my achievements cant kill the loneliness

and new relationships cant fill in for you

When i cant write good lines

and no art defines my pain

When everyone knows our story

and the clouds wont listen to it again

Its when i miss you beyond all measure

Its when i know i cant live without you

RazanB

 

 

Insanity

[ Dedication: to Yousra, the Khawaga girl ]

Late at night

in my bedroom

lights still on

alone

lying on the bed

staring at the celing

thinking so deep

or maybe too shallow

of something

or maybe nothing

time keeps running

still not making a decision

should i go to bed

or call someone

go to work tomorrow

and have fun there

or stay back at home

and drown in my misery

finally break up with him

or keep him stranded

i dont love him.

i close my eyes

and take a breath

i open them

looking at the corners of the room

am getting a solution!

that i wont ever find an answer

am confused

am insane

so baby i got one request for you

let me continue dreaming

within the boundaries of my world

let me obey the rules

of my irrational obsession

let me swing along

in my own dimension.

…

Razan Sat. 4th June 12:01am

i wrote this when in one of those moments you’re so confused about something you find difficult to even identify. writing this was the only way to document the sensation; i hope you can make sense out of it

enjoy.

leave comments … and URLs to similar writings of yours.